Last night, as I was dressing my 11 month old baby in his pajamas the most awful fight broke out. Baby Scott had just wanted out of the bathtub, I was playing with him while drying him off. The splashing and yelling stopped me in mid-diaper. I finished diapering, plunked the baby in the middle of the bed and ran to the ruckus. What I saw sent me over the top.
Both boys were crying and covered with red marks/welts from their mid-bath boxing match. Both were trying to stand in the tub to get a better shot at the other; both sets of arms were flying this way and that. They were screaming at each other and water was everywhere. I started with,"Get out of the tub." Quickly followed by, " GET OUT OF THE TUB!" Alex, my 3 1/2 year old son saw the fury in my eyes and scurried out of the tub and ran naked and dripping wet to his bedroom, only to collapse on the floor and continue screaming. Jack, my 6 year old was not so clued in. He just stared at me. So I continued to yell like a crazed woman, "GET OUT OF THE TUB!" until my throat hurt. Eventually Jack realized that I was talking to him and timidly climbed out of the tub and sauntered to his room. By this time my husband came bounding up the stairs to see what had caused me to come uncorked. I asked him to get the baby in his pajamas and go downstairs. This all took about 30 seconds- I took a huge deep breath, counted to five and marched to the boys' bedroom.
I picked Alex up and hugged him. I helped him get dressed in his pajamas. I told Jack to put his pajamas on and to sit on his bed. I hugged Alex some more and then calmly asked him why was he screaming at and hitting his big brother? (If you are wondering why I spoke to Alex first, by being only 3, he is more likely to tell the truth.) Alex said that he did not want Jack to dive. The light went on in my head and it all made sense.
Alex recently had tubes and polyps removed from his ears so he is not allowed to get his head wet/ swim. The boys when they take a bath together, like to put on goggles (not swim goggles but safety goggles that they received from a booth that Lowes had during a recent festival) and dive in the bath water. They dive under the bubbles and search for lost toys or the bar of soap. I told Alex no diving because of his ears. I told both boys no diving and no goggles until Alex's ears are better. While I was dressing the baby Jack took the goggles from their drawer and began diving. Alex asked him to stop and Jack would not. So, Alex being a fairly typical 3 year old dealt with Jack the only way he knew would work - screaming and hitting his big brother. Jack was not going to let his little brother ruin his fun, he kept diving and swatting Alex out of the way. And soon Mommy appeared screaming and crazed trying to break up the bathtime main event.
Now that I had a full understanding of the goings on in the bathroom, I hugged Alex and sent him downstairs to watch cartoons. I asked Jack to get down from his bed so that we could talk. He climbed down from his top bunk retreat and quickly showed me the boo-boos that Alex inflicted. I asked him why did he dive. Jack's response was,"I wanted to." I reminded him about Alex's ears and that I asked both boys to not play the diving game tonight. He did not realize that he was not allowed to dive and he did not realize why Alex was so upset (Alex does not usually get too uptight regarding rules). I pointed out to Jack that he is the big brother and that Alex looks up to him, Alex wants to be just like Jack and wants to do everything with his big brother. Jack's internal lightbulb went on and he began to understand - this was not really about whether to dive or not to dive but that Alex wanted to play with Jack and not be excluded.
I asked both boys to tell their brother that they are sorry, to hug and to tell one another that they love each other. They made up and the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful.
Meanwhile my almost 5 year old daughter is standing on the outskirts of all of the commotion with eyes as big as the moon. It was obvious that she was quite relieved that she was not the one in trouble this time. She did remind me later on that she was not naughty in the bathtub.
I am an only child as is my husband. The sibling issues are so hard for me to get a grasp on. Hopefully as our children continue to grow and learn, we will as well and maybe just maybe we will have more sibling harmony than sibling rivalry.
Jen Hudson (an only child mom of 4 children under 6)
